I hoped to find someone like you.

Someone as charming, passionate

Playful.

Absent.

I could feel your love, anger, sadness,

obsession, and regret in my chest

during those sleepless nights.

I always knew who you were.

The mask you wore was never as

convincing as you’d think.

I still had to test it.

And let that high fill my void.

Longing for love.. lust.. acceptance.. jealousy..

Truth.

Before we met I used to see you in my

dreams.

I was exhausted from love and heartache.

What I attract.

What I choose to accept.

Coping with love.

Absence.

Predictable unpredictability.

Pain.

Intensity.

Excitement.

All internalized. Alone in experiencing the butterflies and stomach aches.

Solitude.

Passion.

Panic.

Pain.

Peace.

Feelings of instability are over, with no

one to cheer over the power I took

back.

You judged me for showing off my highs,

but I didn’t want you to see the

darkness that had become my mind.

From pain, abuse, and not wanting to

see people for who they really were.

Tolerating mistreatment.

I knew who you were.

It felt like a pain I needed.

I knew the wave I choose to ride.

Unintentionally manifested.

I was afraid to start conflict because of

fear of retaliation and exposure of my

own shadows I was too afraid to face.

Shame of other people seeing me for who I really was.

Lonely in a world of the ideal

abundance.

My love for you always selfless.

Praying for your happiness since the day we met.

I saw coldness in your eyes.

Pain in solitude masked behind a

picture perfect illusion.

A darkness I mirrored myself.

Sometimes I wonder if my butterflies were fear.

We could live our fanstasy.

Where we are both in light.

After facing our shadows, forgiving

ourselves, and accepting each other for who we are.

No masks.

I’m sorry I was scared of you seeing my full darkness.

I knew you already felt it.

No exposure.

No judgement.

I wish you’d accept yours.

Shadows are just reflections of the past.

Not a definition of character.

Not your future self.

You are you.

Passionate, handsome, magnetic.

Greedy, guilty, prideful.

Childlike, kind, fun.

A mentor.

A leader.

Someone I love.

Admire.

Imperfect perfection.

Who’s grown and helped create the

best version of myself.

I hope I did the same.

What a long journey it’s been.

My love is unconditional.

Always.

But light the candle.

For you.